Someone gisted me about how he has been struggling and begging “to do something” with a girl that comes to his house. The girl has been so tough for him, and he almost forced her the last time.
I simply advised him to disallow the girl from coming to his house anymore. When a girl comes so close to you, spends time comfortably with you in the privacy of your room, eats your food and collects money or receives other forms of favour from you, but she’s not interested in getting intimate with you, the best thing for you to do is to quickly cut off from her and just let her be. Don’t even allow such a situation to linger for long. Don’t allow interaction between you and a girl to get to the point where you’ll be struggling with her or begging her for sexual attention.
Gone are those days when one could be begging or pestering a girl for any kind of attention, gone are those days. It doesn’t make sense to me for a girl to behave as if giving a man sexual attention means doing him a favour, it doesn’t make sense to me at all.
In the course of relating with a girl for instance, I will be nice to you, I will spend on you, and even when we get the act I will also endeavour to pleasure and satisfy you. So if it comes to counting gains and losses, who actually gains and who loses in the whole thing? So how is it a favour you’re doing me? It’s just like in a business relationship, I hate it when a customer takes advantage of my humility to behave as if he/she is doing me a favour by patronizing me. A business relationship thrives on the basis of mutual need, I give you what you want (goods or services) and you give me what I want (money). So if there’s any favour in the business relationship, it is mutual favour, we did other a favour.
I heard on one radio show, that a guy has been begging a particular girl for relationship for more than one year and the girl is still saying no. it sounded like a joke to me. When a man seeks to relate closely with a girl, the primary end in mind is sex (although he might later find the girl worthy of something more meaningful perhaps after the sex, but the primary aim at first is sex, it doesn’t matter how much or how long there is pretence about it).
And because of the way most men seek sexual attention from women, women in this part of the world tend to perceive themselves as the oxygen that men need to survive.
There is nothing wrong in seeking to relate closely with a girl. It might even go beyond sex and lead to something more meaningful. And by the way, in the textbook THE SUBSATNCE OF PLOITICS by Appadorai, sex is listed as one of the primary needs of man (human beings in general), alongside food, drink, clothing and shelter. Craving for such pleasures is natural and one of what make us human.
But self-control is very much necessary, necessary in the sense that when you want a woman and she doesn’t want you, you leave her and respect yourself. If she cooperates and gives you the attention you desire, fine, go ahead and relate well with her. But if not, just free her and move on.
You might want to think she’s just playing hard-to-get. It might be true, but I don’t subscribe to the idea of a woman being hard-to-get. I belong to a facebook group where a lady posted something which I screenshot sometime ago, it reads: “Women are not hard-to-get. She is hard-to-get because she doesn’t like you. If a woman likes you she will be soft like today’s bread.”
It was a lady that made the post, the post resonated with me and I screenshot and saved it. When I like a girl and I make the slightest attempt to relate with her, and she shows me an attitude of not being interested, I will simply quickly free her and move on.
The point of this write-up is a message against rape. I’m writing this to discourage those men who have the tendency of raping women.
My heart was saddened by the news about the guy that raped and killed a young lady who went to see him in search of job in Uyo. I felt and still feel so sad about it. Perhaps the guy killed her just to prevent her from exposing his illicit act if rape against her. That’s the height of evil and wickedness! RAPE IS BAD! Rape is absolutely not necessary.
I belong to the school of thought that believes there is a substitute for everything. So u don’t have to be fixated on a particular woman. If any particular woman refuses to do anything with you, there are many other women out there, who are even more beautiful than she is.
So to my fellow men in the world: when you want a woman and she doesn’t want you – leave her and respect yourself and move on.
Kingsley Onwuka,
Port Harcourt, Nigeria
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